The Virtual Rambler

Number thirty five: 21^st April 2013

Your Good Health

Sanguine theorists have hailed the internet as the ultimate democracy. There , Nicholas Carr writes in his book The Shallows ⁽¹⁾ , “we face many information faucets , all going full blast. Our thimble overflows as we rush from one faucet to the next … the web gives us information in a jumble of drops from those different faucets , turning us into lab rats constantly pressing levers to get tiny pellets of social or intellectual nourish ment.” We can treat ourselves to participation in a chat show , invite a professor of history into our home , consult a lawyer or financial adviser. We can play an infinite juke box , read an endless sports page , visit a sleazy night club …. or a doctor par excellence. The medical lexicon thus democratised awaits our particular query more appropriately than any G.P.’s quizzical expression. The internal circuitry of our computer provides an inaudible concordance with the rumblings and gurglings reminiscent of digestive disorders or visceral malfunction. What the devil do you suppose is going on down in my innards ? I'll get Google to tell me the worst , for God’s sake.

Like the captain of a ship in an Atlantic convoy of 1942 , binoculars sweeping the restless ocean for possible U-boats , the modern health fanatic is on constant red alert for potentially disruptive threats to his equilibrium. Every twinge down below is another blip on the radar. Evasive action ! Depth charges ! Step forward the self-scrutineer with his thermometer and a range of devices to register pulse rate , blood sugar levels and the pH content of his urine. His every meal is preceded by an interrogation of its gluten , salt , nut and sugar contents. Better to prepare each meal himself , after shopping at the Natural Food emporium in which every purchase comes with a detailed synopsis of its origin and contents. Even for the apparently healthy , things aren't quite tickety-boo. They may not notice any symptoms just now but that in itself could be a sign of the underlying risks , referred to by medicine men as “silent killers” of those who remain blissfully unaware until its too late. Private screening companies have colonised the internet to drum up custom : “ What would your doctor say … if he or she could actually see inside your arteries ? ” The interior of your body has been commodified , along with your transport and housing systems , your sewers and schools , your water and power supplies. All those things (reads the official script) that were crumbling under incompetent public sector bureaucracies and could only be revitalised by private investment. Is that so ?

The pharmacological industry’s profits are booming as never before and they too have found the internet an invaluable tool for keeping things that way. The uncertainties of psychiatric theory are particularly open to conceptual re-definitions , tailored to what industry insiders call condition branding. “ It is essentially like setting a snowball rolling down a hill ,” explains a Practical Guide to Medical Education , intended for those in the marketing arm of drug companies. “It starts with a small core of support : maybe a few abstracts presented at conferences , articles in key journals , advocacy groups focussing opinion among ‘leading experts’ … and by the time it reaches the bottom of the hill the noise should be coming from all sides and sources.” Today's psychological malfunctions are launched in the same way as new brands of music , creating symptoms that align with drug company strategy and the duration of patents/copyrights. Social anxiety disorder , metabolic syndrome , dyslexia , attention-deficit , hyperactivity disorder , pre- menstrual dysphoria , restless legs syndrome , bipolar disorder , and of course , internet phobia ; each has its own alleviating molecule prescribed. Like mine-detectors (and Conspiracy Theorists) , diagnosticians of the human psyche edge their way into every inch of terra incognita to unearth the dark , hidden secrets underlying every aspect of modern life (however apparently innocent) and declare the individual doomed to be implicated in them. So just keep munching your muesli , remain aware of every new Well Man or Well Woman bulletin , get your herbal remedies down you , monitor your daily alcohol unit intake and keep working out at the leisure centre. Your days are numbered anyway and the biological clock is ticking away whatever you come to do. As they say before many T.V. screenings of feature films , “Expect violence and strong language.”


Wig

⁽¹⁾ Not to be confused with a 2016 American survival horror film featuring a great white shark.

Archive

Virtual rambler #1 – Posturing, 9^th March 2010
Virtual rambler #2 – Managerialism, 17^th March 2010
Virtual rambler #3 – Nostalgia, 27^th March 2010
Virtual rambler #4 – The Alpha Male, 13^th April 2010
Virtual rambler #5 – General Elections, 3^rd May 2010
Virtual rambler #6 – The Leisure Industry, 15^th May 2010
Virtual rambler #7 – Guide to The World Cup, 15^th June 2010
Virtual rambler #8 – Human Nature, 12^th July 2010
Virtual rambler #9 – Communities, 13^th August 2010
Virtual rambler #10 – Worlds Apart, 6^th October 2010
Virtual rambler #11 – Dawdling, 22^nd November 2010
Virtual rambler #12 – ELVIS, 24^th December 2010
Virtual rambler #13 – Transience, 4^th February 2011
Virtual rambler #14 – Regional Accents, 15^th April 2011
Virtual rambler #15 – The Afterlife, 21^st July 2011
Virtual rambler #16 – Bizspeak, 27^th August 2011
Virtual rambler #17 – Night Walks, 3^rd October 2011
Virtual rambler #18 – Bob Dylan & Charles Dickens, 8^th November 2011
Virtual rambler #19 – Another Nutty Professor, 16^th December 2011
Virtual rambler #20 – Customer Choice, 16^th January 2012
Virtual rambler #21 – Wearing Shorts, 18^th February 2012
Virtual rambler #22 – A Brief History of Progress, 17^th March 2012
Virtual rambler #23 – The Myth of Sisyphus, 16^th April 2012
Virtual rambler #24 – Natural History, 20^th May 2012
Virtual rambler #25 – European Self Importance, 26^th June 2012
Virtual rambler #26 – Sweet Dreams, 25^th July 2012
Virtual rambler #27 – Excess, 17^th August 2012
Virtual rambler #28 – In Denial, 20^th September 2012
Virtual rambler #29 – The Way, 21^st October 2012
Virtual rambler #30 – On Rambling, 14^th November 2012
Virtual rambler #31 – Gazing Into The Abyss, 18^th December 2012
Virtual rambler #32 – Intellectual Gloom, 25^th January 2013
Virtual rambler #33 – Great Human Achievements, 20^th February 2013
Virtual rambler #34 – Autobiography, 20^th March 2013