The Virtual Rambler

Number sixteen: 27^th August 2011

Bizspeak

Who remembers those off-the-peg phrases once considered as the desiderata for social intercourse in a 'once-polite society’. How do you do ? I’m quite well , thanks. After you , old boy. May I ? By all means. Nowhere has such bespoke vocabulary become more pervasive than in the public discourse of market economies. Here , too , a handful of favoured verbal formulae - robust systems , feedback mechanisms , gold benchmarks and integrity assurances - are on hand to bulk up the concoctions of bullshit that fill every company's 'mission statement' from Tbilisi to Timbuktu. Concoctions that are never obliged to go to the trouble required by scrupulous expression. Begetters of them simply open up their minds and let the prefabricated phrases come floating in. They conceal any meaning even from themselves by anaesthetizing a portion of their brain. Marketing gurus scan the horizon for the rise and fall of trends in attitude. A new target audience is constantly provided by those who come to see themselves as independent individualists , seeking out ‘authenticity’ on their ‘voyages of self-discovery’. We can identify the current crop of such folk by their taste for craft beers , a fondness for farmers’ markets and their mistaken idea that the wearing of vintage clothing is a creative act. Ever eager for a spot of frontloading , Business responds with open plazas ringed by cafes with outside tables , where light shows and accoustic music are regularly scheduled in the heart of downtown’s retail outlets. Here ‘consumption and culture are fused in a vibrant shopping experience.’ In marketing , pastiche and irony are never exhausted.

Let’s take a closer look at those fatuous works of fiction , ‘mission statements’ , as they became interchangable between providers of care for coffin dodgers and the installers of double glazing. In neither case was it a matter of wringing out the maximum profit at the lowest possible cost. No, no , no. ‘Guided by the customer’s needs’ , each company’s sole interest was to lead them towards a land of milk and honey. Some things once expressed , however absurd or meaningless they may be , can cast a hypnotic spell over anyone who goes near them. Earlier in humanity’s short day , religion led the field in this regard but the baton has now been handed over to business. Its not only those cobbling together their company’s Bizspeak who come to imagine some sort of reality behind such refrains as ‘Not a problem but an opportunity’ or ‘expand to contract , contract to expand.’ By their continuing acquiescence in the System as it is , the people at large appear equally deluded that this is the only way in which their own interests may be served. Whatever has the momentum of existing is thereby proved irrefutable and allowed to proceed unopposed. That 'free' markets are the most efficient way of running human affairs and that former public services must be placed in the safe hands of the private sector , are delusory ideas concocted by economic sophists and propagated by a self-serving political class who should really be wearing three-cornered hats and Zorro eye-masks , if we may allow ourselves some retrofitting.

Language can reflect existing social conditions and ‘managerial dialect’ will come bustling into all those occasions where an insecure workforce is assembled to hear another ‘staff development’ sermon. They must suppress a natural instinct to jeer and assemble their features into a picture of quiet compliance with the humbug descending upon them from above. Ambitious but talentless poltroons sought to join a growing guild of managers who combine two quintessentially nineteenth century figures , the charismatic preacher and the single-minded general. Those who are managed have little option but to assume either a sullen show of submissive faith and the suppression of doubt and resentment , or the bemused obedience of lowly foot-soldiers under military discipline. With Confucius ⁽¹⁾ already in the boardroom , some set out to recruit founders of the religious faiths of old. No matter their apparent insistence on poverty and renunciation of worldly matters altogether as prerequisites. With some creative “thinking outside the box” , biblical texts could be updated to indicate that a Christian’s civic duty was fully aligned with capitalism’s central tenets. Blessed were the aspirational poor. The parable of the talents was a clear recommendation to invest boldly and profitably in the endless cycle of economic growth that brings heaven down to earth. Leading-edge leveraging of your plain-English skill set will ensure that your actionable items synergize future-proof assets. They’ve solutionised apparent contradictions.


Wig

⁽¹⁾ Confucius ( 551 – 479 BC ) was a Chinese moral philosopher who emphasized virtue and integrity as the minimum requirements of a ruling order. He say , the superior man understands what is right , the inferior man understands what will sell.

Archive

Virtual rambler #1 – Posturing, 9^th March 2010
Virtual rambler #2 – Managerialism, 17^th March 2010
Virtual rambler #3 – Nostalgia, 27^th March 2010
Virtual rambler #4 – The Alpha Male, 13^th April 2010
Virtual rambler #5 – General Elections, 3^rd May 2010
Virtual rambler #6 – The Leisure Industry, 15^th May 2010
Virtual rambler #7 – Guide to The World Cup, 15^th June 2010
Virtual rambler #8 – Human Nature, 12^th July 2010
Virtual rambler #9 – Communities, 13^th August 2010
Virtual rambler #10 – Worlds Apart, 6^th October 2010
Virtual rambler #11 – Dawdling, 22^nd November 2010
Virtual rambler #12 – ELVIS, 24^th December 2010
Virtual rambler #13 – Transience, 4^th February 2011
Virtual rambler #14 – Regional Accents, 15^th April 2011
Virtual rambler #15 – The Afterlife, 21^st July 2011
Virtual rambler #16 – Bizspeak, 27^th August 2011
Virtual rambler #17 – Night Walks, 3^rd October 2011
Virtual rambler #18 – Bob Dylan and Charles Dickens, 8^th November 2011
Virtual rambler #19 – Another Nutty Professor, 16^th December 2011
Virtual rambler #20 – Customer Choice, 16^th January 2012
Virtual rambler #21 – Wearing Shorts, 18^th February 2012
Virtual rambler #22 – A Brief History of Progress, 17^th March 2012
Virtual rambler #23 – The Myth of Sisyphus, 16^th April 2012
Virtual rambler #24 – Natural History, 20^th May 2012
Virtual rambler #25 – European Self Importance, 26^th June 2012
Virtual rambler #26 – Sweet Dreams, 25^th July 2012
Virtual rambler #27 – Excess, 17^th August 2012
Virtual rambler #28 – In Denial, 20^th September 2012
Virtual rambler #29 – The Way, 21^st October 2012
Virtual rambler #30 – On Rambling, 14^th November 2012
Virtual rambler #31 – Gazing Into The Abyss, 18^th December 2012
Virtual rambler #32 – Intellectual Gloom, 25^th January 2013
Virtual rambler #33 – Great Human Achievements, 20^th February 2013
Virtual rambler #34 – Autobiography, 20^th March 2013
Virtual rambler #35 – Your Good Health, 21^st April 2013
Virtual rambler #36 – Deconstruction, 20^th May 2013
Virtual rambler #37 – My Home Town, 19^th June 2013
Virtual rambler #38 – Ancient History, 21^st July 2013
Virtual rambler #39 – Possessions, 20^th August 2013
Virtual rambler #40 – Sporting Stoics, 20^th September 2013
Virtual rambler #41 – Free Time, 20^th October 2013
Virtual rambler #42 – Ewan Don't Allow, 20^th November 2013
Virtual rambler #43 – A Literary Nexus, 20^th December 2013
Virtual rambler #44 – Taking Liberties, 16^th January 2014
Virtual rambler #45 – More or Less, 20^th February 2014
Virtual rambler #46 – Under Control, 20^th March 2014
Virtual rambler #47 – Waiting, 20^th April 2014
Virtual rambler #48 – They Rose Without Trace, 20^th May 2014
Virtual rambler #49 – Bigger Impression , Smaller Footprint, 20^th June 2014
Virtual rambler #50 – Terpsichorean Instrumentations, 18^th July 2014
Virtual rambler #51 – Socially Mediated, 19^th August 2014
Virtual rambler #52 – Rambling Into The Sunset, 20^th September 2014