Poets' Corner

Number Twenty One : 20th May 2014



Another Modest Proposal(1)

As a child , who did not register the hideousness of old men , with their bald heads and bulbous noses ? And what of the old codgers themselves ? What have they got to look forward to ?

What do they think has happened , the old fools ,
To make them like this ? Do they somehow suppose
Its more grown up when your mouth hangs open and drools ,
And you keep pissing yourself , and can't remember
Who called this morning ? Or that , if they only chose ,
They could alter things back to when they danced all night ,
Or went to their wedding , or sloped arms some September ? (2)

A fate worse than death , in other words. Friends , health , mind , eyesight and hearing vanishing in turn …. surely it would be doing them a favour to abbreviate each lingering decline ? Imagine the savings for the public purse if we could dispense with state pensions and winter fuel allowances. How might unsustainable concessions and economic provision for the growing numbers of elderly people be made to disappear ? you will ask. The simple answer is right before us , and its not without historical precedents. A program of comprehensive euthanasia for all those at the end of a useful working life. Our far-sighted government have already extended that life and before too long the operative retirement figure for all their happy constituents will be the traditional three score and ten …. surely an ample span before calling it a day. There could be a whole new service industry providing a last commemorative occasion , with remaining friends and family around them , before despatching each elderly retiree to a better prospect than the costly care home or dismal hospital ward that currently awaits them. You know it makes fiscal sense. Pensioners currently account for over 40% of the Welfare Budget.

Or do they fancy there's really been no change ,
And they've always behaved as if they were crippled or tight ,
Or sat through days of thin continuous dreaming
Watching light move ? If they don't (and they can't) , its strange :
Why aren't they screaming ?

There will be sentimentalists raising their voice in protest against our project on “humanitarian” grounds. Let me remind these nay-sayers of the need for common sacrifice in desperate times and as in 1940 , we need to evacuate our young prospects for the future from the defeated shores of a consensus no longer economically viable. With a Dunkirk spirit behind us and more elbow room ahead for untaxed youthful energies , the tired old ways of conducting our affairs can be occluded. In their stead will arise a streamlined Economy second-to-none and , unshackled from the halter of an ever-ageing population , we can reward enterprise and innovation with bonuses as never before.

Wig



(1) The original being Jonathan Swift's Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland Being a Burden on Their Parents or Country and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick , in which the author recommends that the Irish poor sell their offspring as food for the rich.

(2) The Old Fools by Larkin , laureate of the lost. For a balanced assessment of this poet's life and work , read Martin Amis's Introduction to his selection of Philip Larkin Poems (2011).



Archive

Poets' Corner #1 – Poetic Pessimism, 13th September 2012

Poets' Corner #2 – The Workman's Friend, 10th October 2012

Poets' Corner #3 – On The Trail of Two Dylans, 12th November 2012

Poets' Corner #4 – Omar Khayyam, 14th December 2012

Poets' Corner #5 – William Blake, 25th January 2013

Poets' Corner #6 – A Minor Poet, 19th February 2013

Poets' Corner #7 – Thomas Hardy, 20th March 2013

Poets' Corner #8 – Shakespeare's Sonnets, 21st April 2013

Poets' Corner #9 – Edward Thomas, 20th May 2013

Poets' Corner #10 – Harry Smith's Anthology, 19th June 2013

Poets' Corner #11 – William Plomer, 21st July 2013

Poets' Corner #12 – Ghosts , 20th August 2013

Poets' Corner #13 – William Dunbar, 20th September 2013

Poets' Corner #14 – Bathtub Thoughts, 20th October 2013

Poets' Corner #15 – Bagpipe Music, 20th November 2013

Poets' Corner #16 – Sylvia & Emily, 20th December 2013

Poets' Corner #17 – The Fall Of Icarus, 16th January 2014

Poets' Corner #18 – Those Gone Before, 20th February 2014

Poets' Corner #19 – Rudyard Kipling, 20th March 2014

Poets' Corner #20 – Martin Bell, 20th April 2014